Changes

It's amazing how much life can change in a matter of months. In the past 6 months my life has changed significantly in all points that matter most.

The Good:

In my job I got a promotion, I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and half, met my amazing current boyfriend, moved into my own one bedroom apartment in Suburbia and met a great group of like minded people and we meet up once a week.

The Bad:

My dad, who has Cancer (Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma), has reached a significant low. His spirits are up and down depending on the day. And the additions to his life "Frank the Tank", and "Fred the Bed" - though they have cute names, they are an instrumental part of keeping my dad comfortable. 

And with the good and the bad I wonder where the next six months will take me. 

In other news I decided to start my own Podcast. We'll see how well it turns out. Episode 1 is out right now on iTunes and Podbean. The title is By the Light of the Moon. Check it out - and let me know what you think.

The Future:

In the two weeks I will be in San Jose for PantheaCon. Are you going?! Let me know!

News Of Note: "Where Have You Been?!"

Look at me, away from the blog-o-sphere for far too long again. A thousand apologies - again. I'm beginning to understand what keeps me from writing a blog entry more often than I currently do... So I must explain.


A few blog posts ago I mentioned I was living with my parents again. I do believe I mentioned it was only for a short period of time. However, that short period of time turned into a semi-permanent situation. After moving back home to help get money under control my Mother and I had a sit down - she asked for my help taking care of my very ill Father.
I am a very family oriented person, so I will never turn down a plea for help. She asked that I move home, or at least closer to home to help her out while she continued schooling at the local community college. I put in a 30 days notice for my place - about 30 miles up the freeway from my parents - and began the long process of packing my life into a storage unit, again.
I've lived at my parents ever since, but have failed to settle in and get comfortable. Living here is like having a second job, so my time to practice my faith is limited. Not to mention the privacy is almost non-existent. Even though I am out to my family, as a pagan, I fail to feel comfortable practicing much of my faith around them. So, I do what I can - and the rest falls to the wayside.
About a week ago I was offered a promotion at my work - which helps with the money situation, but means that I have longer hours and more responsibility. -- In no way does that hinder me at work or make the job any less appealing -- but it subtracts a little more from the little amount of time I had for my faith already.

Overall, Ten hour days at work, One hour a day getting ready for work, one hour a day winding down from work, 3-4 hours a day helping around the house to help the family, leaves only 8-9 hours left in a day for me to eat, sleep and spend some time with the boyfriend. --- Needless to say I cherish the time I have for myself - when I do - and that time does not always include practicing my faith.

What has changed? I knew I was - with no blame placed on my family - being suffocated by being here - so I decided that, with my raise from my new-found promotion, I would finally rent my own place out near my parents (which I previously couldn't afford). I found a decently sized one bedroom apartment five minutes from work and about 10 minutes from my parents. It has a washer, dryer and dishwasher inside. A wood-burning fireplace, a gas range, and plenty of storage. The complex has a great pool and spa, tennis court, basketball court, racquetball court, tanning bed, 24 hr fitness center, picnic areas with gas grills, and some other amenities that I'd have to look up to count.

What this means? Hopefully, within a month I will be able to relax in the privacy of my own home in my new apartment with my two wonderful kitties and begin to work a little magick back into my life. I'll be able to cook again (and experiment with new recipes), unpack my altar and supplies, celebrate the Sabbats in the comfort of my own home, and work with the new energies that come with a new place. The great thing is that I move in on October 15th - which leaves me plenty of time to prep for the first Sabbat in my new place, Samhain! How perfect is that? A new place for a new year.

In other news... the Second Annual Pagan Podkin Supermoot is fast approaching and I'll be on a plane this Friday afternoon to spend a weekend with some of my favorite Podcasters - In Salem, MA!!! (<-- yes, it called for three exclamation points!) I hope to post much from that journey - including pictures!

For now I bid all of thee farewell and I hope everyone has a blessed Mabon - as you won't hear from me until its come and gone!

New Life Brings Joy

Hello!!!!! It has been a few... Yeah. I'm sorry about that....

So, where have I been? What's going on? Tell you, right? I'm sure that's what you're all (three followers) are asking.


Yesterday night, at 10:06pm - my 5 lb 14oz little nephew was born!

The day started normally yesterday, work in the morning, home in the afternoon. Just around 4:30pm I received a phone call from my Mother telling me my sister was being induced due to some complications.
My younger sister and I jumped into my car and drove an hour and a half to the hospital my sister was staying at.
When we got there she was fairly drowsy as they had already placed her on a large amount of medication.
It wasn't long til the doctors came in to tell her, due to some blood tests, that it was more likely she would have to have a C-Section for her health. About 15 minutes later they were talking Emergency C-Section for the babies health.

A half an hour later my baby nephew was born. And an hour later we were all happy to hear both Mommy and Baby were doing just fine.

After being up for almost 24 hours I left the hospital to get some sleep and returned in the morning to actually get to hold my little nephew for the first time. Enjoy the pictures and expect another update in the near feature.

Out of a Box, and In The Cupboard - Under the Stairs?

I feel a bit like Harry Potter right now... (No, I will not be getting into the HP7.2 review in this blog...)
I'm living out of a box, and under a large work shelf in my parents old work room to save money for about the next month or so. The whole visual of where my bed is reminds me a lot of the amount of space Harry had while he lived in the cupboard under the stairs in the first HP book.

Why? Why on earth are you doing this? You have a perfectly good house you pay rent for - still. Huh?

I shall answer your question with a question. - Have you ever taken your car in for an oil change and while getting the car back, your mechanic tells you all the horrible things your car has endured and now requires money you don't have to fix? Sound familiar?

I took my car in for an pre paid oil change. During this visit no money was exchanging hands. I'd paid in advance for the oil change and I needed to get it now - so I did. Money sucks right now for me. I live paycheck to paycheck. So when my mechanic told me that it was necessary for me to get my breaks and rotors changed on my front tires I almost had an emotional break down in the service center right then and there. Where was I going to get $410+tax to pay for that? How was I going to make it too work if I didn't get it fixed? A million negative ended questions popped into my head and I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. Mind you - this is really a last straw type of situation and had 5 others financial situations not already been on my lap I might have held my composure a little better...

After calming down and working some things out with my dad I was able to get in touch with a business he used to work for in the early 1990's. He worked on cars for a living for a large portion of his life - and he still kept in touch with many of the people from the Garage. He suggested I give them a call and have them quote the same job that the dealership was quoting me. So - I did.

$301 tax included. --- Okay. A little better. I was saving at LEAST $100. Maybe things weren't so bad after all.... So I crunched some numbers and realized this would only happen if I dug into my savings and got the change done in about two weeks.

However, I am one of those impatient people who needs to get everything done NOW so that I don't stress over the situation for days on end. So I made another adjustment. I called my landlord and asked that my rent be four days late so that my next paycheck could cover a chunk of rent and this check I just got today could take care of my car. --- SUCCESS! My landlord is amazing - just so you know.

You know who else is amazing? The Garage where I took my car. After getting into the shop they told me that they had to quote me over the phone like they do everyone else - but because of who I am, and who my dad is I was getting an extra discount - SCORE. In total - $280 which included tax looks way better than $410plus tax.

Now, how does that put me in the cupboard under the stairs living out of a box? Well, the only way the number crunching was going to work is if I found a way to cut some money out of my budget. I can't cut the phone - that's necessary. Can't cut the rent much more than I did - or I'd be on the street. Can't cut the car insurance - need to get to work. And the credit card bills still need to be paid so my credit rating doesn't drop any lower than it already is.... So I cut GAS.

Silly, I know - how do you get to work unless you have gas in the car right? Right.

My house is 30 miles from work. My parents house however is only 7.5 miles. Hum, do I drive 60 miles a day and run out of gas in a week? Or do I drive 15 miles a day and make a whole tank last three weeks? Problem solved.

Parents couldn't help financially on their end, so they helped me with a place to bunk for a few weeks while I make up the money I spent to fix the breaks on my car.

So here I sit. Underneath the work bench, on a twin size mattress, in the work room that is no longer used - except for storage.... and living out of a box with my two cats - trying to save a few bucks to make life a little more bearable. Oh the things we do for our cars.  Silly little things that they are.

Note: My car also needs a 30k service done, a smog check, and registration is due. Oh car, how you hurt me so....

On a happier note my vacation is getting closer and the time I spend in Salem is going help recharge my mental batteries. And I've been a little crafty lately with some paints which puts me in a good mood most of the time.

Work is well. Boss is great! Money is better - but not amazing. Still hoping for a promotion. It's foreseeable. Unfortunately  so is the holiday rush at work. That's so sad to think about....

Peace and Love.

Leading a Charmed life

This past week has been crazy at work. Lots to work on - getting the store in ship shape order. We got a new Store Manager recently. This will be the 5th or 6th one in the past five years that I've worked there. Every time a new one comes in I normally get nervous about whether or not I'm going to be able to prove myself to them. Are they going to like me? Am I going to rub them the wrong way? Am I working hard enough for their standards?
This Store Manager, I don't feel that way. He's constantly telling myself and others at work that we are doing a good job. He's great in the recognition category. And I love that in a Store Manager. It's nice to know when you are being recognized positively.
Now, don't get me wrong - he'll tell us what we can do better - or pull us aside when he thinks we need to work on - but I don't feel overwhelmed with negativity. It's made work life a whole lot easier. I feel happy to go to work - I don't dread District Manager visits and I definitively don't dread working along side with my manager.

Recognition is something I have been thinking a lot about - on a work basis and on a personal, magickal basis. Recognition from your teachers, priest(ess), deities, the elements, or your magickal workings, or spells.
How do you know if you are saying or doing the right thing on a magickal level? What recognition do you look for to show you're on the right path.

When it comes to a teacher, or a priest(ess) recognition will be similar to that of a boss or a teacher in regular school. The simple, "good job" that we all yearn to hear. The pat on the back or the infamous high five followed by "right on!" ---- is that just me? Haha.

However, I've never had an official teacher - everything I know I mostly taught myself. So any recognition through a teacher or a priest(ess) is for the most part out of the question for me. So I look for recognition in the eyes of my deities, the elements I work with, the energy around me and the results of my spells or magickal workings.

I will never get a "good job", pat on the back, high five or a "right on!" from my deity. I know that, but what kind of recognition could I expect? --- Recognition of this type will be more of a feeling. How do I feel when I'm thinking about, or working with this deity? Does it make me feel good inside? That "warm and fuzzy" feeling? Or does it make my stomach twist in knots from uncomfort?  -- Same goes for the elements and the energy you are working with.

When it comes to spells or magickal workings the recognition you could look for would be the spell actually working - and the results turning out as planned. Or of course negative recognition - the spell not working - or even back firing.

If you try something - and you are not getting the desired result - try something else. Change some element, or factor of the spell or magickal working. If you keep trying the same thing over and over again - and expect different results you'll only drive yourself mad when the outcome ends up the same (unless of course the outcome is what you are hoping for...?)

On an overall note - recognition is a great thing - it's a good feeling for the receiver and the giver - and that positive attitude and energy is only going to bring more positive feelings and good energy. This is a perfect example of the positive domino effect.

The Aftermath - Post Birthday

This years birthday is another one for the memory banks. I spent the entire day with my wonderful boyfriend who delt with me dragging him around all day to places he'd normally not venture.


We started out the day with waking up at my place to about a dozen text messages and phone calls of birthday well wishers. He spent much of that time pulling me to him and wishing me a Happy Birthday. I'm fairly certain no one has said Happy Birthday to me that many times in one day. It was super cute.


After finally managing to get up we had coffee and got ready for the day. We drove down the hill to his place and switched cars, then we made our way to Sunflower Drive-In; an all vegetarian almost Vegan natural food restaurant. Now mind you, the Boyfriend is not vegetarian, he is a full on carnivor, so this is not somewhere you will normally find him. However, in honor of my Birthday we bought lunch there and ate it at a nearby park.


After lunch we had time to kill before heading to my parents for ice cream and cake so we drove out to my favorite little metaphysical shop and spent some time browsing for things I probably don't "need." I ended up grabbing some incense, because I was out, and a bag for the runes I'm making and a piece of black onyx -- just because you can never have enough stones.

I went to pay and the Boyfriend beat me to the card - told me I wasn't allowed to pay on my birthday and then have me a cute little smile I always go crazy for.


We left that little shop and walked the downtown area for a little bit, then headed to the car for my parents house. Waiting there was a fun fetti cake with pink fun fetti frosting with green icing for the "happy birthday" part. They sang, and we ate cake and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

After the cake and ice cream the Boyfriend and I went to see Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon. The movie turned out to be really good. Although I must say, I was a little sad to see that Megan Fox was no longer in it... Oh well.

After the movie we headed to On the Border, Mexican Grill and Cantina for Margaritas. If you have an On the Border near you - GO! They have the best tasting Margarita's ever - and bottomless chips and salsa.

The day was perfect, overall, because I got to spend it with The Boyfriend. We could have stayed in bed all day, as long as he was there the day would have been pretty awesome. Now, here's to the rest of the year to come and to all the fun and exciting things I'll do while I'm 23 years old.

Pagan Blog Prompts (PBP): 'tis the season for handfastings & weddings.

I do occasionally get some emails from Pagan Blog Prompts. I think they pop in around every Thursday. So if you see PBP in the title, you'll know when I've explored a topic they share on their blog.

Faelyn & The Boyfriend
@ Friends Wedding

This weeks hit close to home - in a certain sense of the phrase. This weeks topic is Handfasting. My boyfriend's friends got married yesterday. They are a cute couple. But who doesn't say that about someone they just saw get  married.
The wedding was quite funny -- cute and beautiful too, but very funny. The groom is known to be a funny character. He knows how to turn every serious situation into a humorous one. During their vows the gentleman that married to two of them asked the Groom to repeat after him... and he did - up until the very end where he asked the groom to say "I love you, (insert bride's name here)" and the groom said "Me too!" instead of repeating the phrase. It caused the crowd to laugh and the bride to smile really wide.

You can tell these two love each other. A lot. They've been together for a long while, they have a house together, they have a few dogs together and I know that children are in their future.

When I was younger I always thought that if you loved some one, marriage was the best route to take to prove that love. And I held onto that belief for a long time. But then my dad got sick. I remember sitting in my room a few days after I found out and thinking - "okay, now I have to get married before anything happens to him, so he can see me during the happiest times of my life before he's gone..." I had a very depressing way of thinking back then... After I let that thought sink in for a while, I would cross my fingers and pray that my boyfriend at the time would ask me to marry him. We got close to that - we talked about it all the time. He even went as far as asking for my parents permission to marry me.

But, it never came... After we broke up I dwelled on that thought I had when my dad first got sick. I was hoping, and wishing for marriage so bad - that I was willing to throw myself into something that probably wouldn't have worked - just so my dad could watch me get married. I was quite upset with myself. But I was still sad. I wanted someone to care about me that way - I wanted someone to love me that way...

My current boyfriend and I get pounded by our parents constantly about "when are you two going to get married...?!" -- Mind  you, we've only been together for a year - I'm just about 23 and he's going to be 26 this year.

He doesn't want to get married at all, and he doesn't want kids. And even though I go around saying I'm okay with that - I can't help but feel a little sad, and hurt. Am I not good enough to marry? Am I doing something wrong? --- He's told me not to think about it like that - he's always said that a piece of paper doesn't prove anyone's feelings... But I still cannot help but feel a little self conscious about the whole thing.
Is there something wrong with me? He has never said I love you. Granted, I haven't either - but I refuse to say it first because anytime I even say that I really like him, or care about him his response is "I enjoy our time together..."

He's going away for three  weeks, alone. I've asked him to move in, he says he doesn't want too because he likes his space. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. But I don't, because I do really care about him. I do love him. I do see myself with him in the future - but should I even be able to see that, if he doesn't?

Wow, I've gone off on a little tangent. Here I'm suppose to be talking about what I think about marriage and hand-fasting and I go off into my own little world and how sad I feel for myself...

Marriage may just be a piece of paper. But after the wedding I just watched - the ceremony does matter. It's a confession of ones love to another - so in that sense I think hand-fasting's are important. The ceremony ties us all together. I don't think it's necessary to GET married if you love someone - but I think that if you are going to at least get the piece of paper - the ceremony itself is important. And that's where I'll leave that...